i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
