I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
