Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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