I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
