went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
