haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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