I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
