Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize