Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
even my farts smell like vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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