You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it fun? or sober?
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