please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
