Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
