My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They took my balls.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
