just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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