All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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