if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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