I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
