Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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