Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize