What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pants are for mortals
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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