This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
