Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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