I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
