And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
