So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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