I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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