My pussy is not your playground.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
