dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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