I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
