If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
