you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
