How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
