I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
