The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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