Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My liver just broke up with me...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
