But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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