ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
