I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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