You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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