There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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