I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize