she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
