you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
