i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
