my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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