barbara walters just said penis...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
