I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize