I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
