You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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