The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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