Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
