I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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