I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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