I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize