i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sext me about skeletons
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
