i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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