Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
