an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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