I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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