Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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