Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
