she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I would ride that face into the sunset
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
