actually, I'm a sock model
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found puke in my bra..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize