Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
