I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
