My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
