We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
