dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize