i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
