I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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