Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
