just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
