she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize