before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
